DAY 16: "Finding My First Love" by Tricia Robbins

DAY SIXTEEN: "Finding My First Love" by Tricia Robbins

Several years ago I went through a time that was very painful. I was serving in a place of ministry within a church and I was deeply hurt. Many of you have had those kinds of experiences - huge disappointments by those you trusted. Through my hurt I sought the Lord in a deep way. I asked Him to expose my heart and show me things that I needed to work on and submit to Him. I knew I had not sinned in any way, nor had I done anything I felt was wrong, but I was missing peace. Through the hurt I noticed I was not happy with the condition of my heart. I was so deeply hurt, I began to fight all kinds of strange feelings like jealously and bitterness. I questioned myself and why all this had happened. I decided I did not ever want to serve in ministry again.

One day Shane told me he wanted me to read a book called “The Bait of Satan” by John Bervere. I looked it over and after seeing chapters on "forgiving people who have hurt you" and "learning how to move past the hurt", I said “no way”! After about 2 months, the hurt was not leaving so I went to Lifeway and purchased the book. At the very same time I began reading the book, I was deeply hurt yet again by someone I had a great relationship with and had worked under for 11 years. During all these things happening in my life, I asked God to please show me what He was trying to do in me. There had to be a reason for all of this.

Slowly, I began to read the book. I listened as the Holy Spirit changed me in a deep passionate way that was all new to me. Through months of doing whatever I felt the Lord speak to my heart to lay down and let go of, I began to heal. I was at a very broken place I’ve only known one other time in my life. I knew God was stripping all I had ever known. It was very hard. I knew He was leading me to a true forgiveness of those who had hurt me, but He also did so much more! After an entire year of much brokenness and many deep tears, I forgave people – truly forgave people - that had deeply hurt me. I submitted to a new way of thinking about the Lord. I returned to my first love, and began to fall in love with the Lord all over again. I felt true peace like I had not known in at least 10 years. I got my focus off of me and the “bigger and better” and began hurting for the hurting, homeless, and single moms and people all over again. I began to realize that my salvation was not secure by all the work I did for Him, or by the hours I spent in prayer or by any amount of fasting I tried. I realized that my salvation was secure and the love I began to feel for my Savior was deeper than any love I had ever known with Him. I was free and found compassion in my heart again. I learned to worship Him in a deeper more intimate way than I had ever known.

After I was full of joy again and had spent a year of not serving in a church role, God changed my heart. I was ready to roll my sleeves up and serve people through my amazing Father once again. This is when the Lord brought Shane and I and our precious kids, Morgan and Ethan, to Trace Crossing. I would never trade all the hurt and broken time in my life, for the return of my First Love. Thank you to the people that make up The Church at Trace Crossing for letting me serve - because it is my joy to serve my Savior after all He has done for me and all He has set me free from!

My Prayer for Trace Crossing:

My Jesus, there are no words to thank you for this place of worship that you have put together in your mercy. There is much work to be done for Your kingdom, and I pray that Trace Crossing would always love the unlovable - the people in this earth that no one wants to be with, the lost, the hungry, the homeless, and the hurting! We want to be your hands extended from Heaven to here, and I pray that we would shine your love to everyone unconditionally. Lord, I ask more than anything, one last thing, that this church would always know and feel Your presence in all we do and hunger each day to know and feel Your presence with us as we serve each other. Help us to forgive each other’s faults, and see Jesus in each other every day. You are amazing and I love and adore you. Amen.