DAY 7: "Looking for a Bigger Box" by Mary Pat Palmer

DAY SEVEN: “LOOKING FOR A BIGGER BOX” by Mary Pat Palmer

My thoughts and prayers for the people who are a part and will be a part of the Trace Crossing Faith Family. Hmmm - blogging is new to me. To begin with, my son and I are blessed to be loved by so many people from so many walks of life - so here goes!

I have always been afraid to step out of the box and have a real relationship with Jesus. I grew up thinking that if I believed certain ideas and stood up for them then I was a Christian. Christianity didn’t involve my heart or my feelings.

I was afraid to love Him freely, worship Him freely, and be forgiven by Him freely.

I felt like those things were mine for a price - a price that was too high for me. It was a price that I could never pay and a gift that I did not deserve. So what was the point in trying? Heaven was only for the cream of the crop, the sinless, and those whose robes are always white - not me. Heaven was a reward for living as close to perfect as possible. My insides screamed, “I am nowhere near perfect. So how can Heaven be mine one day? God has so many others that are ‘way’ better than me. I’m just not good enough for God.”

I had given up. I could no longer fight the mental battle everyday. I quit going to worship. I was empty. But something deep inside kicked and gnawed at me. I felt lost. My head told me that Heaven was where my son and I wanted to spend eternity. And I wanted badly to be there with him, but I was broken. Didn’t I have to DO something to get to Heaven?

So I stepped out of my comfort zone, my box, my “dead zone.” I was scared. My son was scared. We were scared - but we decided to try it and visit Trace Crossing. As I stood in this worship room with all these strangers, the first song that was sung was this:

“Draw Me Close”*

Draw me close to You
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear you say that I'm your friend
You are my desire
No one else will do
Cause no one else
Can take your place
To feel the warmth of Your embrace
Help me find the way to bring me back to you

You're all I want, You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want, Help me know you are near
Help me know you are near
Help me know you are near
Help me know you are near

Talk about the Lord whispering in your ear. He was yelling in mine! My heart was screaming, “Help me find the way to bring me back to You!” I couldn’t move. I couldn’t sing. I couldn’t do anything but stand there and listen to His voice and feel His arms around me. Was He pursuing me? I knew at that moment that He wanted me! He wanted ME!!! He wanted my son and me to be with Him some day.

As I left that worship service, I realized that “the box” I had lived in for so long was too small for me. I was like a plant whose roots get all wadded and bound up and stop growing. I started reading, studying, praying, talking to God, visiting churches, and building a real relationship with Jesus. (You know that is what he wants - a relationship. We are made in His image. We are not made to be alone. We thrive on relationships and so does He. He is “relational.”)

I have realized that my box was too small, my God was too small, and the boundaries I put on my relationship with Jesus made me stop growing. So, I am letting all of that go as I am getting to know the people at Trace Crossing. At Trace Crossing, I see a faith family that is always looking for a bigger box. I am growing as this faith family grows. This faith family loves one another without a price. They love and serve God as they serve others. They are growing deep and strong in their relationship with Jesus and with one another.

At Trace Crossing, I am learning to love more freely, worship more freely, and realize that I am forgiven freely. I am finding my way to Him and experiencing a feeling of such fullness I have never known.

My Prayer for Trace Crossing:

My prayer for Trace Crossing is “to continue growing consistently closer to Jesus.” I want to know He is near me. I want to always look for a “bigger box” and be a part of a faith family that is never satisfied with the box in which they are growing.